Chris Gragtmans Facts
1. Strainers don't kill people. Chris Gragtmans kills People.
2. There are no death defying class V paddlers, only kayakers that Chris Gragtmans lets live.
3. Chris Gragtmans does not sleep. He waits.
4. When it rains, it's because Chris Gragtmans threw a paddle into the sky.
5. The chief export of Chris Gragtmans is Pain.
6. When Chris Gragtmans spits, it becomes a class V waterfall.
7. Chris Gragtmans has two speeds. Kill and Kayak
8. When Chris Gragtmans came to America, he didn't take the highway he took Niagara Falls
9. When Steve Fisher goes to sleep every night, he thinks about Chris Gragtmans.
10. If a rapid is dangerous, it's because Chris Gragtmans has made it that way.
11. Chinese mothers warn their children of the great Canadian warrior "Wo hu cang long", which literally translates to "Crouching Chris, hidden Gragtmans."
12. Chris Gragtmans is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
13. Tommy Hilleke is Chris Gragtmans in disguise.
14. Chris Gragtmans has counted to infinity... twice.
15. When Chris Gragtmans takes a paddle stroke, he isn’t projecting his kayak forward, but pushing the river backward.
16. There is no such thing as global warming. Chris Gragtmans was cold, so he turned the sun up.
17. Chris Gragtmans doesn’t wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.
18. Chris Gragtmans can slam a revolving door.
19. Clay Wright didn't invent the loop, Chris Gragtmans LET Clay Wright invent the loop.
20. Chris Gragtmans does not get frostbite. Chris Gragtmans bites frost.
21. Hurricane Katrina resulted when Chris Gragtmans did a flat-water loop in the Pacific.
22. Chris Gragtmans can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.
23. Earthquakes result when Chris Gragtmans climbs into his kayak.
24. If you get a hard word on a spelling bee, just say C-H-R-I-S G-R-A-G-T-M-A-N-S and you will always win.
25. Every drop Pat Keller has run, Chris Gragtmans has run twice.
26. Chris Gragtmans does not fear death, because he taught God how to roll.
27. Chris Gragtmans isn't hung like a horse, horses are hung like Chris Gragtmans.
28. Chris Gragtmans doesn't have to buy gas because he is so DIESEL!
29. Chris Gragtmans doesn't have to read guidebooks, he just stares them down until he gets all the facts.
30. When Chris Gragtmans goes swimming he doesn't get wet, the water gets Christ Gragtmans
2. There are no death defying class V paddlers, only kayakers that Chris Gragtmans lets live.
3. Chris Gragtmans does not sleep. He waits.
4. When it rains, it's because Chris Gragtmans threw a paddle into the sky.
5. The chief export of Chris Gragtmans is Pain.
6. When Chris Gragtmans spits, it becomes a class V waterfall.
7. Chris Gragtmans has two speeds. Kill and Kayak
8. When Chris Gragtmans came to America, he didn't take the highway he took Niagara Falls
9. When Steve Fisher goes to sleep every night, he thinks about Chris Gragtmans.
10. If a rapid is dangerous, it's because Chris Gragtmans has made it that way.
11. Chinese mothers warn their children of the great Canadian warrior "Wo hu cang long", which literally translates to "Crouching Chris, hidden Gragtmans."
12. Chris Gragtmans is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
13. Tommy Hilleke is Chris Gragtmans in disguise.
14. Chris Gragtmans has counted to infinity... twice.
15. When Chris Gragtmans takes a paddle stroke, he isn’t projecting his kayak forward, but pushing the river backward.
16. There is no such thing as global warming. Chris Gragtmans was cold, so he turned the sun up.
17. Chris Gragtmans doesn’t wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.
18. Chris Gragtmans can slam a revolving door.
19. Clay Wright didn't invent the loop, Chris Gragtmans LET Clay Wright invent the loop.
20. Chris Gragtmans does not get frostbite. Chris Gragtmans bites frost.
21. Hurricane Katrina resulted when Chris Gragtmans did a flat-water loop in the Pacific.
22. Chris Gragtmans can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.
23. Earthquakes result when Chris Gragtmans climbs into his kayak.
24. If you get a hard word on a spelling bee, just say C-H-R-I-S G-R-A-G-T-M-A-N-S and you will always win.
25. Every drop Pat Keller has run, Chris Gragtmans has run twice.
26. Chris Gragtmans does not fear death, because he taught God how to roll.
27. Chris Gragtmans isn't hung like a horse, horses are hung like Chris Gragtmans.
28. Chris Gragtmans doesn't have to buy gas because he is so DIESEL!
29. Chris Gragtmans doesn't have to read guidebooks, he just stares them down until he gets all the facts.
30. When Chris Gragtmans goes swimming he doesn't get wet, the water gets Christ Gragtmans
posted by Chris Groupie at
6:49 PM
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